Prayer is a Sign of Faith
by thewinchesterlifestyle
Summary: Prayer is a sign of faith. Castiel has had nothing but faith when it comes to Dean Winchester since he pulled the hunter from Hell. But Dean isn't the only one who has been praying every day.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If you recognize it then I don't own it.

Pairing: Cas/Dean

* * *

At first Dean thinks he's dreaming or maybe hallucinating because why else would he be hearing a voice when no one was there. But as he looked around, tried focusing on it, he began to recognize the tone. The uniqueness of the voice that only one in existence could possibly possess.

Cas.

The rough quality was slightly lessened and the words absolutely clear. Each of them directed towards Dean and filled with so much emotion that the hunter staggered. Could feel each of them touching his very soul.

Dean. I'm sorry that we have placed this burden on you. That I cannot be straightforward with you about what is happening.

Green eyes blinked. The words…they didn't fit with what was happening now. Dean looked around again, but there was nothing. Only darkness. The only sounds were his own breathing, movements and Castiel's voice.

Forgive me. I hope some day you will be able to forgive me for this. For letting your brother out. I know how hard you have fought for him. How precious he is to you. But they are orders and not following them is too high a price.

He knew what that was from, but not why he was hearing them. Why something that happened years ago was being mentioned.

Dean. I'm falling. I must find my Father. My brother walks the Earth once more and I can't let him destroy my Father's creations. I can't let him destroy you. Please take care of yourself. Watch after your brother.

Prayers. These were like…prayers. The kind that Dean often found himself sending to Cas. Sometimes asking for help, telling him mundane things about his day but most of the time he just spoke. Talked like Cas was in the room with him and they were chatting.

We're coming. I'm not letting you face this alone. I never should have let you leave without climbing into the car with you. If it means I die today then I can accept it. But I will not let you die alone. I will not make you face our brothers alone. You are worth dying for.

Something burned the backs of his eyes and Dean rubbed furiously at his face. Wanting to cover it up even though he was alone.

I hope you are at peace. That your retirement is offering you some relief and a chance at happiness once more. I almost ruined it for you. You were right there, on the lawn bagging leaves and I needed your help. Almost allowed you to see me. To beg for your help. But I can't do that to you. Can't take you away from what is surely happiness. Your "apple pie life" Sam made you promise to live should he fail.

I'm sorry I can't stop myself from visiting you. From watching you sleeping on the couch. At your new job. When you're with new friends or even in the backyard cooking. No matter where I am I always feel this undeniable pull towards you. As though you are gravity. The bond I formed years ago is still strong and very much unbreakable.

Dean…this feels wrong. A deal with a demon. I know it can't end well. But you deserve happiness and my family deserves freewill. A chance to decide for themselves. This should help. Crowley's plan should offer the smallest number of casualties. Your sacrifices cannot be in vain.

Dean leaned against a wall he'd stumbled onto when trying to find Cas or a way out. Sliding down he rested his forehead on his knees, wishing both for Cas to continue and for him to stop. Because he knew how this ends. What happens and all he wants to do is go back in time. To beg Cas to stay. To prevent the angel from going back to Heaven to play Sheriff because it all goes to Hell anyway.

I keep failing you, don't I? Lately it seems all I am capable of doing. Sam's soul is still in Hell. Still trapped with my brothers and I know you'll find a way to get it. To put his soul back into his body even though it won't end well. You'll do anything for those you love. For your sake I hope I'm wrong. That Sam will be fine. Because I know it would break you and that would break me.

"Cas you stupid angel." it's muttered and Dean wants to shake the angel. But all he can do is listen to Castiel's descent into the clusterfuck that still seemed to be snowballing on them. "I'm always right there. Why can't you just talk to me?"

I will never know how an angel as broken as me could ever deserve your loyalty. Your unwavering faith. That you could ever care for me. But you keep standing against your family for me. Justifying my actions and it's so painful to watch. To know the truth of it and how I know you'll react. But it's too late. I'm too far in and if I fail now we'll all die. I can't back down from this path.

After that the 'prayers' were shorter. Simple sentences, little streams of thought and all of them directed towards Dean in some way.

I'm not sure who you are but I keep dreaming of you.

I wish I knew your name; something to put to the face I see every time I close my eyes.

Something is missing and I know it's you. You're the answer to all of these questions.

For some reason I've taken to thinking of you as Freckles because of all the things I see that flash through my mind it is your face that is the clearest. I must have spent so much time with you because I swear I could count those freckles easily.

I have this feeling we're going to meet again and that you can help me. I know I don't belong here and this fake marriage is temporary. Where are you?

This will work Dean. I'm so sorry I broke Sam; I'll never be able to ask for your forgiveness for this. I hope you know I never meant harm.

Dean…Dean where are you? Where am I?

We're going to make it through this and then I'll leave. You deserve better.

Please stay safe. I'll lead them away from you. Dean…I'm so sorry you don't deserve to be trapped here with nothing but monsters.

Your prayers are a comfort and I will never be able to thank you for the strength they give me. Every day I listen to them.

Turn back. You don't need a broken angel.

Forgive me, Dean. I have no intention of going back with you. I belong here with the other monsters. Go back to Sam and find someone who isn't going to destroy you.

I love you. I'm sorry that I tricked you but you need to be safe. I have much to atone for.

I need you too and I'm sorry I have caused you so much pain. That I have ever raised my hand against you in violence. There will never be an excuse for that.

I failed you again. And you're right. I'm always sorry. Now I have managed to destroy the rest of Heaven and I cannot protect your brother. I cannot keep you safe anymore. But I will find you one last time because I'm selfish. I've always been selfish when it comes to you. For that I am also sorry as I am sure that flaw has caused you pain more times than even I know.

Then it stopped. Castiel's prayers cut off and Dean could feel the tears trailing down his cheeks. The pain and loss filling him. Dean knew that the last one was the most recent for the angels had fallen a little over a week ago.

Somehow he'd heard Castiel's prayers. An angel had prayed to him. To Dean Winchester. A broken man who destroyed most everything he touched and who had tortured souls in Hell for a decade.

A warmth swept by him in the darkness and he turned toward it, "What was that?" his voice cracked and he squeezed his fist, fingers tightening around his jeans and green eyes tightly shut. They were closed mostly in the hope of preventing more tears from falling because Dean knew they were coming. He'd heard honest pain and regret, so much emotion, in his angel's voice. And could feel the emotions behind the words and the love.

"Prayer is a sign of faith." the words were so familiar and Dean felt a twinge in his heart. His eyes snapped open searching the darkness but seeing nothing. "An angel has never put such faith in a human before. You have been his sole focus since he pulled you from Hell. Every single moment of his existence."

The lights never came on and Dean could not see the speaker's face. But he felt the power. Knew it was divine.

"Why?"

"It seemed only right that you should hear some of Castiel's prayers as he has heard all of yours." it was gentle.

"Some? There's more?"

A soft chuckle came out the darkness, "Castiel prayed to you every day. Spoke to you most moments of his existence. Even when he didn't remember your name." a sigh followed, "Please don't waste this gift. Castiel believed you would never hear his words but he hoped you would feel the care behind them. The promise of safety."

And then the power was gone and Dean was alone once more. He closed his eyes again and struggled to calm his breathing. To calm his racing heart and mind. When he opened them he was back in his room, in the bunker, while the dark room was gone.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway and he watched as his door was flung open. Sam looked so much more healthy and his face was alive with emotion. "Dean." it was breathless and Dean found himself taking a step forward. Worried something had happened. "Cas. He's here."

He waited two beats and was moving past his brother, down the hall and towards the main room. Watched as Castiel's head jerked up and blue eyes stared at him. Saw them sweep over his body. Taking in everything. Memorizing it if the last prayer he'd heard was anything to go by.

His angel's clothes were dirty as was his skin. Hair wild. And Dean's mind was flashing back to Purgatory because the Cas before him looked close to the dirty angel he'd found by the river.

And like that same moment he was closing the distance and jerking Cas into a hug. Arms tight around him, face pressed into his neck and this time Castiel's arms came up to pull him close. Returning the hug with equal desperation.

"Cas." he knew his voice wasn't strong. And he didn't care. The angel before him…now human, had prayed to him every day. Had unwavering faith in him. And loved him. "Cas. I love you. Stay. Please stay."

"Dean." it was the start of a protest but he wouldn't listen.

"I heard you." it was soft and just the two of them. An almost quiet confession, "Cas. You prayed to me."

Blue eyes were wide and Dean could see the panic in them. "You heard?"

"Yeah. But I'm here Cas. I'm not going anywhere." he paused. "And I'm sorry because I have failed you too." and there was another protest on Castiel's lips but Dean wasn't done. "You will always have a home here. Just…please stay. Don't leave me again."

A step forward and Cas was kissing him. Warm, careful and with a promise. He wouldn't be leaving again.


	2. What Cas Misses Most

There was one thing Castiel missed most about being an angel. He could no longer hear Dean's prayers. The whispers of them dancing around his grace. Warming him. Comforting him. A constant presence that reminded Cas that he had made the right choice. That no matter what he'd done or how uncertain he was Dean still had faith in him. Still spoke to him. Shared his worries, concerns, private thoughts and wishes with Cas freely.

Every single day.

Sometimes more than once. Dean trusted Cas with something so precious that Castiel was often struck speechless. He trusted Castiel with Sam even after Castiel himself had broken Sam's wall. Had abused that trust and had failed to correct his error for far too long.

_I may not agree with everything you're doing. But I can't complain about that. We still need ya Cas. You don't need those souls. You're enough. I just want my nerd angel back. We'll all be fine. Just come home._

Still the hunter had prayed to him. Even when he was claiming to be a god. When the Leviathans were in control of his body he could hear the silent prayers his hunter was sending him.

_Please don't be dead Cas. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I failed you. You can't be dead…dammit Cas. Still need you. Come back…_

Now there was nothing but silence. No prayers. No simple stories about the diner not having Dean's favorite pie. Or Sam eating too much salad that he was going to turn into a rabbit. It was gone and he wished at times for the blissful ignorance he'd had as Emmanuel. The man without a memory and an unknown past who often wondered about the voice in his head. The words that would appear in his mind from nowhere, but were still a welcomed comfort. The one thing that kept him sane even as he struggled to find himself. To find a new purpose.

_Cas. I…dammit Cas I miss you. It isn't the same. Now Sammy is gone. He's pissed at me and he's seeing Lucifer. I…I should hate you for that. And I have tried so damn hard to hate you. But I can't. And alcohol isn't helping anymore. Because I can still see your stupid confused head tilt and your backwards tie. I kept it. The trench coat. Because I have nothing else. No proof. You took back your mark. Bobby burned the only picture of you. I have nothing left from you. It's like you…were a dream and when I wake up I'm still going to be in Hell. No angel in sight and blood coating my soul._

_Dammit Cas. Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me? I need ya man._

Cas looked up at himself in the mirror. Hair wild from restless fingers. Dark circles appearing under his bright blue eyes. It was a face he'd had for years now and would see in the mirror until he died. To him it was unremarkable. Meant little as he'd existed eons as a multidimensional wave of celestial intent instead of a simple human.

His eyes moved down looking at the faded shirt of Dean's he often wore to sleep and the loose night pants. At his bare feet. He looked ordinary. Completely human. Someone who could not hear prayers any longer.

Just a normal man.

His bare feet padded across the cool tiles in the bathroom as he pulled the door open. Looked into the room to see Dean sleeping soundly in their bed. The hunter was sprawled out and his shirt had ridden up showing bare skin.

_Cas, I'm coming to get you. We're going to get out of here. And we'll get you fixed and everything will work out. I promise. Just hold on. I'm coming. Don't die. Not again because I can't do that. I won't survive another death…so that means you have to survive._

He sat on the edge of the bed. Knew this room long before he'd ever stepped foot inside. Because Dean had prayed to him from this same room so many times. Asked for his protection for Sam. Prayers of hope and wishes he was ok. Others asking where he was. Some just random comments about the bunker or his room.

Hesitantly Cas reached a hand out. Brushed it through soft and fluffy hair. Watched it move through his fingers and smiled softly. His hand trailed down over stubble and across freckles that Cas remembered placing back when he rebuilt Dean after Hell. His hand moved down and closed over the place his hand print had returned. No longer concealed by grace.

_Cas. Please be safe. Don't…don't stay in Heaven. If you close the doors…please…stay on this side. We have room in the bunker. I made you a room…you can add whatever you want. It's not your fault. I still need you…_

The last words of prayer before Metatron had taken his grace and cast him from Heaven. They'd kept him going as he'd traveled to the bunker. When he'd seen Dean again and finally kissed his hunter.

"Cas?" the voice was rough from interrupted sleep and a warm hand was closing around his wrist. "What's wrong?"

Dean was sitting up now, warm against his side and Cas found himself pulling his hunter closer. Arms tight around Dean and lips pressed into his hair as he closed his blue eyes. Just breathing in Dean and letting the hunter ground him. To reassure him that Dean was still there and still breathing. Because those frequent prayers were gone and could no longer do that for him.

"Cas?" now there was obvious concern and he turned his head sideways, allowing his cheek to nuzzle into Dean's hair. A sigh escaping.

"I can't hear you anymore." it's a confession and one he knows he'll have to explain.

"Cas. You can hear me right now. Let's stop with the cryptic talk." Dean tried to pull away but Cas's arms were tight around him and don't allow any movement. With a sigh Dean simply allowed the fallen angel to grip him tight. Breathing in the smell of Cas and himself that always seemed to cling to the angel.

"Your prayers. I miss them." it's soft and Dean finally manages to pull himself back to stare at Cas who met his stare with his own.

"You miss that? I just…rambled. They weren't even proper prayers Cas." his voice is confused and Cas shook his head.

"No they weren't. Each prayer was precious. I heard every single word you prayed to me. Except the last when I had fallen." he smiled softly now. "The last prayer I heard was you saying you still needed me. Now there is nothing. I can't hear you anymore."

Dean swallowed and clenched his fists. Tried to bite back the damn emotions that statement caused him to feel and he knew it wouldn't work. That he felt things far too keenly and this wasn't any different. But this was his angel and he had been denying his feelings for Cas for far too long. Had spent the time he'd thought Cas was dead trying to drink away the pain and failing miserably at it.

So he leaned back into Cas's space and dragged him into a kiss. Lips warm and pressing together. Moving and tasting. Allowing his emotions into it and feeling strong arms closing around him. Dragging him into Cas's lap and even closer. It was safe and warm and comforting. Stabilizing.

He pulled away as Cas dragged them back onto the bed. Warm against Cas's side, legs tangled and bodies close. His head lay against Cas's chest. Above his heart and it beat steadily under Dean's ear.

Dean closed his eyes and offered up another prayer to his angel.

"_Cas…there are so many things in my life that I have regretted. There are too many to list. But one of my greatest regrets is ever letting you think that I didn't care about you. That you were less. If I had been honest with you then I never would have taken you out that night before we trapped Raphael. I would have told you the truth. That I was falling in love with you and I was terrified. Maybe then you wouldn't have had to suffer. Maybe things would have turned out better for all of us."_

Tears gathered in Cas's eyes and he held onto Dean tighter. "_Dean_." he always put so much in that one name. The hunter meant more to Cas then the fallen angel could ever put into words and the three he said often still never seemed to encompass everything he felt. "I love you."

"Love you too Cas."


End file.
